The Power of Pairing: Building Trust First in Progressive ABA

Written by: Am Badwall

July 30th, 2025

Introduction
At Missing Links, one of the first things we teach our team is simple but profound: connection before correction. In our Progressive ABA model, we place a high value on the relationship between the therapist and the learner, and that starts with one critical process—pairing.

Pairing is the foundation of trust, motivation, and cooperation. It's how we build rapport with our learners, ensuring that learning happens in a space that feels safe, fun, and supportive. When done right, pairing turns us into the most reinforcing part of a learner's day, laying the groundwork for effective teaching and lifelong learning.

What Is Pairing?

In ABA, pairing is the process of associating yourself (the therapist or instructor) with reinforcement. It means becoming a source of positivity, fun, and predictability, so that the learner wants to be around you and engages willingly.

At its core, pairing is about building a positive relationship by:

• Following the learner’s lead.

• Providing access to preferred activities and items.

• Having fun together without placing demands.

• Creating a joyful, engaging atmosphere where learning naturally follows.

In Progressive ABA, pairing is not a “step we check off.” It is a continuous relationship-building process that evolves and deepens over time.

Why Pairing Is Critical in Progressive ABA

1. Learning Doesn’t Happen Without Trust
When a learner doesn’t feel safe, seen, or valued, learning is compromised. Pairing builds emotional safety and trust, helping the learner see the instructor as an ally—not an authority figure demanding compliance.

2. Reduces Avoidance and Challenging Behaviors
Learners are less likely to resist instruction or engage in escape or refusal behaviors when they have a strong, positive bond with their instructor. When the relationship is reinforcing, the learning environment becomes inviting rather than overwhelming.

3. Increases Motivation and Engagement
The goal of pairing is to become the reinforcer. That means the learner chooses to engage with you because being around you feels good. This naturally increases motivation and attention, making learning smoother and more enjoyable.

4. Sets the Tone for a Positive Teaching Environment
When the tone is playful and affirming, learners are more likely to take risks, try new things, and stay regulated—even during challenging tasks. Pairing ensures that instructional time feels safe, not stressful.

5. Honors the Learner’s Voice and Preferences
Progressive ABA isn’t about controlling behavior—it’s about understanding and connecting. Pairing allows us to observe what matters to the learner, what excites them, and how they communicate, laying the foundation for individualized, respectful instruction.

How We Pair at Missing Links

1. Follow the Learner’s Lead
In the early stages, we avoid placing demands and instead focus on joining the learner in activities they already enjoy—whether it’s puzzles, dancing, blocks, iPad time, or movement play.

2. Be the Giver of Good Things
We make sure all fun, preferred items and activities come through us. This creates a positive association where the learner sees us as a bridge to all their favorite things.

3. Match Energy and Interests
If a learner is high-energy and loves movement, we join in! If they prefer quiet, focused activities, we meet them there. Pairing is not about forcing engagement but aligning with the learner’s natural rhythm.

4. Embed Yourself in Reinforcement
Instead of giving a toy and stepping back, we become part of the play. If a learner loves music, we sing along. If they love water play, we splash with them. This builds shared joy and connection.

5. Create Predictable, Enjoyable Interactions
Consistency is key. We make sure our time together is filled with positive, low-pressure experiences, so the learner associates us with fun, safety, and success.

6. Build Slowly and Intentionally
We don’t rush. Pairing can take time—and that’s okay. We allow the learner to come to us at their own pace, knowing that a strong relationship built on trust will open the door to meaningful instruction later.

What Pairing Looks Like in Action

John: When John first joined our adult program, he avoided staff and refused most activities. Instead of placing demands, we spent time engaging in his interests—looking at books and completing puzzles together. Within a week, John began seeking out staff and naturally transitioned into learning activities with less resistance.

Kim: Kim had a history of behavioral outbursts when working with new instructors. We focused solely on relationship-building for the first two weeks—joining her play, listening to music, and using humor. Over time, she developed a strong bond with her therapist and began accepting support across various routines.

Mark: Mark struggled with transitions and group settings. Through careful pairing—using his favorite topics and preferred items as entry points—we gained his trust and gradually increased his tolerance for new environments, all while preserving his autonomy and comfort.

Why Pairing Matters in Progressive ABA

In traditional ABA, pairing may be viewed as a short-term step before teaching begins. In Progressive ABA, pairing is ongoing. It is the foundation of everything we do, because we believe that meaningful instruction only happens in the context of positive, respectful relationships.

Pairing aligns with our core values:

• Compassion over compliance

• Empowerment over control

• Connection over correction

• Joy over rigidity

When learners are engaged, motivated, and feel safe, they are more open to new experiences, willing to stretch their limits, and able to take ownership of their learning journey.

Conclusion: Start with Trust, Build with Connection

At Missing Links, pairing isn’t a tactic—it’s a philosophy. We believe that every learner deserves to feel valued, connected, and respected from the moment they walk through our doors. Through the process of pairing, we build relationships that transform the learning experience.

Because when learners feel safe, supported, and seen—they don’t just learn. They thrive.

Want to learn more about our relationship-based, Progressive ABA approach? Contact Missing Links today to discover how pairing can transform your child or adult learner’s experience—and open the door to lifelong success.